Mom is home-we are done with chemo-not gonna do this round-hospice has been called in so that we can hopefully make the ending of this journey exactly what we want it to be...
Everyday, I find myself saying, "THIS is the hardest day so far"....but then the next day comes and I discover THAT day is the hardest....it will get worse before it gets better...
Taking her in for 3 bags of fluids (she is SO dehydrated) yesterday...telling the dr that we give up-she can't handle anymore...seeing the nurses say their goodbyes to her...the other ppl who have been in our "chemo club" (those who we saw on a regular basis) cried...that was hard.
Checking her into hospice today...talking with her about what we can expect her last days to be like...seeing her finally accept the inevitable... that was hard.
Only God knows how long we have now...no checklist hospice gives me will slow that down...it is between her and God now. In the meantime, I sleep right beside her, hold her hand a lot, tell her I love her at least 10 times a day, and let her know that I will miss her every single day. And I will.
I thank God for the time He gave us. With as tumultuous a relationship she and I had, it was quite possible that we could go a lifetime not talking or working out our differences. We had 9 months of time that we weren't supposed to have. We laughed and cried. We did it on our own-no one would help me and my husband. We talked and talked. We made new memories. We resolved old issues. We found a peace that had never been there before. My relationship with my husband, aunt and brother grew exponentially. I have grown as a spouse, a daughter, a mother and a person for having done this deed with her--it has proven to be the most draining and rewarding thing I have ever done in my life and I will be forever changed by this last year's events. For all of this, I am grateful.
For my clients:
As of tomorrow-every CD that I owe (according to my records-WITH THE EXCEPTION OF D.UTLEY AND K.REED-y'all's are coming closer to the end of the weekend) will be sent out-so if you haven't gotten it yet, it IS coming. If I have already told you that I would send your Cd and it has been at least 7 business days, and you still don't have it, then it is most likely lost--in that case, please message me on here asap...I will get it out to you again. I'm not going to be conducting any business after tomorrow...my mom only has days left and I cannot spend valuable time on anything but her-I hope that ppl understand and I am very sorry if you don't.
My gameplan is to come back to shooting the first or second week of March...the first mini of the year will be Bunnies and Babies. When I first come back, I will open first only to ppl with gift certificates, baby planners, newborns, and those who were rescheduled from January. After those ppl are scheduled, I will open to everyone. I am terribly sorry if I let down anyone during this last year--it was never my intent. It was extremely hard to run this business with my mom fighting cancer. I have done my best--that is all I can ever do.
During the time that I am gone, I know that I always say call me call me call me if anyone needs me....this is the ONE time I will say-Please do NOT call me until you see me post up that I am prepared to work again. Please give me my space and time to pull myself together. Any and all requests for changes on pics or issues with CDs should be directed here to FB or to the email info@b4photography.com. I will be checking both off an on during my away time and will try to answer or respond as I can. Please be patient with me.
Thank you to everyone who has followed this...and those who prayed for us, had patience with me on the business side, brought us food, stopped by to check on me, or listened to me complain and cry. You all helped make things a little bit better or easier and this family will be forever in debt to you.
Hopefully, it will be several days before I post another update. The next one will come when she has passed...God Bless, B4
No comments:
Post a Comment